Ep. 40 - Mermaid's Wake
Like many creatures now thought myth, the mermaids survive in some way outside of human settlements where they would be considered Devils as any supernatural creature is. The previously delightful encounter is found to have not so delightful consequences for the Pride of Duskwall, and out of necessity the Line Bulls team up with some nearby Daggerites. Andrel slaps Trevor A LOT. Drix blows something wide shut. Pippin interrogates every rat he can find.
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Ghost Lines by John Harper. Music by Sebastian Black. Art by Yoshiko Agresta.
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Transcript
Drix 0:00
It's been one hell of a week. I sure could use a previously on to catch up on Ghost on a Train.
Stefen 0:06
It's like Hecla was never here. Nothing was ever here. But you can see a blinking light on the Spirit Box.
Greg 0:14
The Spirit Box begins to crackle easy blye, showing some events of the line.
Mr. Walker 0:21
I recently fulfill my duty as a Walker and allowed the Emperor's will to inhabit me.
Mr. Walker 0:29
The tattoo that I have, as I have come to understand, these digits indicate some sort of distance of the Emperor's will to me, though not by any metric that I could voice or even properly understand. That our numbers do not match, it seems likely that it is not his Majesty for whom you may be a vessel.
Mr. Walker 0:53
If you do not know how it works and we have no clue who may know, then I fear it may be as Crowl declared over the corpses of your family - only the rats shall remember the will of the McKeels.
Greg 1:06
As the splashing approaches, they're clearly not ghosts.
Hannah 1:11
Mermaids!
Greg 1:12
Mermaids.
Hannah 1:13
But the evil kind, maybe!
Greg 1:15
Mermaids -
Stefen 1:15
Calling it right now.
Drix 1:16
And you're not gonna believe what's coming up next.
Radio Announcer Greg 1:21
After nature birthed the demons, the purest form of elemental life, the demons helped to bring many spirits of their own into the world. However, while nature slowly crafted and evolved humanity from scratch, demonkind lacked that creativity. Thus they took inspiration from nature's work, and many humanlike fantastical creatures shared the world with pre-Cataclysm humanity. One such spirit is the Anva, or mermaid, as it would be known in Akarosi. The sea demon Setara birth to them in rivers that flowed out to the sea, and her beloved children took after her in all ways but one. Setara is known as "She who makes you see truth," and yet the Anva prefer to show beautiful lies. They were not actively malicious. The deception was of little consequence to them. But they yearned for beauty, and because they possessed the demonic indifference to mortal life, the mermaids did not care how many sailors were dragged to their doom to find it. Surviving beyond the Cataclysm, their hope for beauty over truth may now lead to the demise of the Pride of Duskwall.
Greg 2:50
Hello, welcome to Ghosts on a Train. This is a podcast we play Ghost Lines, an RPG by John Harper. We'd like to welcome any new passengers who are just joining us, and also thank everybody for, everybody who's returned to listen to us once again. I am your conductor, Greg, I run the game.
Hannah 3:07
I am Andrel Anderson, uh, child who yells through the top of trains.
Greg 3:14
You're just Andrel?
Hannah 3:15
What?
Greg 3:16
Did you say your name?
Hannah 3:17
Yeah, I said Andrel Anders - oh, no, I'm Hannah! I'm Hannah, that's my name!
Drix 3:25
Hannah got a little lost in the sauce for a second.
Hannah 3:27
Yeah, sorry. Lost in the fiction.
Guy 3:30
I'm Guy, I play Pip. I still can't tell if it's more or less appropriate for us to go off the rails.
Drix 3:38
Oh, I'm stupid.
Hannah 3:41
I mean, yes you are, but -
Greg 3:42
Is that, like, a serious one, or are you doing a bit?
Stefen 3:44
No, I, I was like, "Off the rails, what does he mean - oh."
Greg 3:49
Everyone, this is stupid! He plays Drix. That's so mean, that's so mean.
Drix 3:53
I also got, I also got just a little loss of the sauce there. Uh, I'm Stefen.
Pip 3:58
What happened? We took a five minute break, how did we lose all of that energy? Jesus.
Drix 4:04
I don't know, we have an energy. I don't know if it's the same energy, but it's certainly energy. And I won't, I'll talk to you guys later about, like, the hype scene from Chucky series where they talked about that exact thing!
Hannah 4:17
No!
Stefen 4:21
But!
Guy 4:21
Was that at our audience, or...
Stefen 4:23
No, that's to you two.
Hannah 4:25
No, unfortunately that's at us.
Greg 4:28
You know, I'll tell, we'll tell the audience - Stefen's been obsessed with the Chucky series.
Drix 4:31
It's so good!
Greg 4:33
He's got, you, hey, listeners, you know Chucky's got a queer kid?
Hannah 4:37
Gendafluid!
Greg 4:40
Chucky the doll. That's right, from Child's Play. From Child's Play, Chucky the murdering doll. He, he says at one point in the new series, "Hey, you know, I got a queer kid. Gendafluid." There's a lot of dissonance, and they, the kid, the kid he's talking to is queer and he's just like, "Really?" And, like, Chucky's like, "I'm not a monster Jake. You know, I'm not, I'm not - " which is, like, on the one hand, wow, Chucky, what an ally, supports his queer kid. But also just the delivery of this, like, cursed, this, this, the serial killer soul trapped in a doll. "I got a queer kid."
Hannah 5:14
Gendafluid!
Guy 5:14
f Chucky, and that was, like,:Greg 5:22
Oh yeah, yeah.
Drix 5:23
No, no, they're capitalizing.
Hannah 5:26
I've never seen any Chucky media and I think that we should not spend any more time on this right now.
Guy 5:31
We should not. The first one is okay. The rest of them are exactly what you expect.
Drix 5:37
Yeah, but I am Stefen. I play Drix, and, you know, I do the thing.
Greg 5:45
All right, last we left off, the Line Bulls were up top as the Pride of Duskwall slowly crossed a bridge between isles in the Dagger Isles, a separate part of the Imperium, a series of islands where Daggerites live on their own, mostly free from any sort of Imperial, any true Imperial influence. There was a boat, a couple of Dagger Isles traders waiting for the, the locomotive to pass over the bridge, as some mermaids passed by. Mermaids of, from, from myth, seen here still alive and well today, even in this ruined world. Upon returning to the Pride of Duskwall, Andrel Anderson discovered the engineer, Trevor, bespectacled Akarosi man, unconscious and unresponsive with a window open and a wet hand. We return!
Hannah 6:45
Alright, so I'd like to roll an insight, but also when we left off I think Stefen was doing something.
Greg 6:50
Yes.
Hannah 6:50
So if you'd like to start with that...
Drix 6:52
Yeah, I definitely want to, like, run to check on the passengers real quick.
Greg 6:56
You get down there and Crispy Rat is like -
Crispy Rat 7:01
Mamma Mia! Why are we stopped? I don't understand what is happening on this train!
Greg 7:07
And as he's gesticulating the keyboard guy is like, boop boop boop boop.
Pip 7:13
Are they still in the hot tub?
Greg 7:15
No, they've gotten up in the hot tub, they're at the windows.
Guy 7:16
Okay, good. I was very concerned, because you shouldn't stay in a hot tub for more than an hour.
Greg 7:22
You see the woman who was dancing, walking to imaginary music, tapping on the window rhythmically to the tips of, like, a wet finger mark left by the webbed hand of a mermaid.
Cool Lady 7:35
I suppose if you were a pedestrian they might seem beautiful to you.
Greg 7:41
Yeah, the passengers seem fine.
Guy 7:42
What does that mean?
Greg 7:44
Mr. McClaremont sees you sort of looking around the mission, Drix, and is like -
Mr. McClaremont 7:48
Why hello there, Drix! What what seems to be the matter? Were you admiring the the mermaids?
Drix 7:54
Oh, no. Well, yeah, actually, we, we you know, said hi. And nothing seems to be amiss in here. So thanks, Mr. McClaremont.
Mr. McClaremont 8:04
Things are all right here, all right here. And, you know, as sweet as the air became, I, you know, I made sure nobody opened up any windows.
Drix 8:11
Good, good. Some, some people, you know? You just can't trust people.
Mr. McClaremont 8:15
It's just, it's just unsafe. We don't know how long that lasts. You know, I'll take in stride the existence of the mermaids, their, their, their survival into this day and age, but you know, you don't know how long, if they've actually made the fog safe.
Drix 8:29
Well, I mean, considering, considering your whole deal I figured you would be pretty open to, like, the possibility of things happening.
Greg 8:35
Well, of course, of course, boy. Listen, listen, I, I'm open. I'm hip. I'm an old dog, but you can teach me new tricks. And I can teach you a thing or two, let me tell you.
Drix 8:46
Might take you up on that sometime, Mr. McClaremont.
Hannah 8:49
I can't believe Drix is gonna fuck Mr. McClaremont.
Stefen 8:51
Wow!
Greg 8:51
Woah! You see, you see, this is a fatherly relationship here.
Stefen 8:57
The urge to make a daddy joke is so strong.
Hannah 9:00
No!
Guy 9:00
Don't you fucking dare.
Drix 9:05
I will, I will refrain, decause I do think it would make all of you quit the podcast.
Greg 9:10
You've already, you've already made a daddy joke. It's already in. You've already essentially done it. Anyways, so, Pip, what are you doing?
Guy 9:16
Where would the manual control for the train be?
Greg 9:20
It'd be in the locomotive.
Guy 9:21
Okay. I think first thing's first, Pip's actually going to go to Candace and let her know.
Greg 9:26
Candace, the older woman with a cigarette holder. She, she takes a drag as you enter the office car.
Candace 9:32
Hey there, McKeel.
Pip 9:33
Candace, ma'am. You haven't heard anything from from Trevor, have you?
Candace 9:38
No, no, I can't say I have. I assume we were stopped and slowed because of the bridge.
Pip 9:44
Well...
Candace 9:44
Did something happen?
Pip 9:45
The bridge is down and we are not moving. So I'm letting you know that there might be some, some spookiness afoot and I will now go and do my job to handle it.
Candace 9:58
All right, then. You, yeah, you send a tube message back if you need anything.
Pip:Right-oh.
Guy:All right, yeah, Pip's gonna head towards the locomotive.
Greg:Yeah, I think you all kind of meet in the locomotive as Andrel's doing something. What's Andrel doing?
Hannah:I'd like to roll an insight check.
Greg:Sure.
Hannah:That's a 10. Plus I get my one extra question from sly. So that is three questions.
Greg:Sure. How many do you want to use right now? Or you could hold.
Hannah:I would like to use two right now. The first is what should I be on the lookout for? This is the first time we've rolled dice this session.
Greg:Yep!
Guy:Yeah.
Greg:What you, should you be on the lookout for. The train isn't moving, which, you know, ordinarily, it's easier to attract ghosts that way. But also, the bridge is kept down and there are these Dagger Isle traders in their ships, and they're starting to get up from below decks, you know, masks on and stuff because of the fog. And it looks like they're annoyed that you're in the way, so you might have problems with them.
Hannah:Interesting.
Guy:Unless we can get moving.
Hannah:Number two is what's the best way to wake Trevor up?
Greg:The best way to wake Trevor up is to understand why he's unconscious. Because he's not merely unconscious. You think even the most powerful smelling salts would not rouse him.
Hannah:I think I will, in that case, use my third question. With regards to Trevor being unconscious, what really happened here?
Greg:You put a couple things together. The window was open. Trevor doesn't have a mask on, so likely it wasn't when the fog was around. Probably the mermaids were around, and his hand is wet. The only thing splashing around and getting close were the mermaids.
Hannah:Trevor...
Greg:So the mermaids probably did something.
Hannah:Trevor! Damn. Alright.
Andrel:So Trevor probably... his hand is wet and the window was open. So Trevor probably, like, held hands with a mermaid or something, and now he's dead. Not dead. I meant that in, like, the metaphorical dead, he's just unconscious.
Drix:Oh, yeah. You kind of scared me for a second there.
Andrel:Sorry, no, he's - I mean, I won't say fine, but he's not dead.
Drix:Okay.
Greg:Yeah, he's breathing and everything. Pip, you show up. Are you doing anything? Probably showed up to hear, to hear this explanation as well.
Pip:All right. Well, I think that the first priority should be to maybe get moving, so that we're not blocking the bridge.
Andrel:How are we going to do that?
Guy:Pip looks to the various knobs and dials and, like, switches and levers in the locomotive.
Pip:That's a very good question.
Hannah:Okay, I'm going to send a tube message off to Candace that says, "Trevor unconscious. Do you know how to drive a train? Maybe come to the locomotive."
Greg:Yeah, there's no response. Eventually, Candace walks over, and she's like -
Candace:What's happening?
Andrel:Trevor, I mean, it's it's like I said. Trevor's unconscious. We found him here -
Candace:Slap! She slaps him.
Andrel:No, I already tried that.
Greg:He's got, he's got two big hand marks, one on each side.
Andrel:Yeah, we found him here with the window open and also his hand wet, so probably, I, again, my best guess is he held hands with a mermaid, didn't go well for him.
Candace:There were mermaids?
Andrel:Yeah. Did you not see the mermaids?
Candace:We don't keep windows in the office car. That way nobody knows...
Hannah:All right. Well, there were mermaids.
Candace:What goes on in there
Andrel:There were mermaids, and they have done something with our boy.
Candace:All right, then.
Pip:Honest question. Why do the windows open?
Andrel:That's a great question.
Candace:Because we're not always... we're, sometimes we're at a station, and Trevor in particular needs to shout outside to people to let them know that we're leaving.
Andrel:Can he, can he open the door?
Candace:It's faster to hatch open a door? Like, what, I don't know what you're trying to say here. They're windows.
Andrel:I'm trying to say maybe this wouldn't happen if we didn't have windows.
Candace:Well, Trevor's the one guy who got, who's got opening windows! I'm sorry!
Andrel:All right. Well, great.
Pip:He's also the one guy who shouldn't have had his window open.
Andrel:All right, look, it happened. We should just, let's, let's talk solutions.
Greg:She takes a big drag from the cigarette, exhales, and then goes -
Candace:All right, all right, all right.
Greg:And she, she sort of rubs a thumb to her head. She, a little too unenthusiastically, pushes a lever forward, and you hear the noise of, like, the train, like, start to move. The mechanisms unlatch, and then there's a sound of the train whistle and the Pride of Duskwall belches out a moustache of fire and smoke. Almost, like, a short, angry, like, honk, like, you know you're driving somebody does the angry honk at you? And then it locks itself up.
Candace:Yeah, okay. I thought so.
Hannah:What was that?
Candace:Train only works for Trevor.
Andrel:What?
Candace:I don't know how it goes. I thought, I tried investigating it, but to hire a sparkwright to really look at this would have resulted in something more expensive than just keeping Trevor on.
Andrel:The train only works Trevor?
Candace:You think I'd hire him to read a bunch of magazines half the time if I had any other option?
Andrel:I, that just seems, that seems like a flaw in the design!
Candace:Well, I, it wasn't there originally!
Drix:Wait, so you don't just check out magazines from the Trevor library like everyone else?
Candace:Well, I, no, listen. He shouldn't be reading magazines. A proper engineer should be, should be doing things. But I don't know. I think that father of his, before he kicked the bucket, must have done something. Canoodled with my train.
Drix:Was Trevor a train baby?
Hannah:Trevor's dad fucked the train!
Candace:For some reason, the train only works for Trevor. I don't know how he did it, but.
Andrel:What happens if we, like, put Trevor's hand on the lever?
Guy:And try and push it?
Greg:Do you try that?
Greg:Yeah.
Greg:Yeah, you, unlatches again, starts to move, and then another angry burst of fire and smoke and things lock up again.
Hannah:God damn it.
Candace:Yeah, I don't know what it is. It's not just his hand. The train only works for Trevor somehow and he knows it.
Hannah:That's so weird and you should absolutely get that looked into.
Candace:He was - you know, you know how spineless Trevor is ordinarily. You know how they say pick your battles? I think Trevor picked one battle and he's decided to lose every single other one, and he's unmatched in this battle.
Pip:Honestly, it's some impressive job security, I have to say.
Drix:That's kind of some diabolical genius stuff, and you know what? I gotta respect it.
Andrel:Yeah, good for him.
Drix:That's a Spark Boy move.
Pip:All right, so we need to get him back.
Drix:Okay. Andrel, you read those stories about mermaids, uh...
Greg:Thunk thunk thunk.
Hannah:Okay, where, where's the thunk coming from?
Greg:From, from the window. There's a big stick or oar or something slapping against the window.
Hannah:We can't open it. The fog is foggy.
Drix:Candace...
Guy:Pip puts on his helmet and the steps outside.
Greg:You see a smaller ship from the Daggerites there, and they're, like, knocking an oar against the window.
Pip:We're working on it.
Guy:You gonna move or what?
Pip:It's complicated, all right?
Daggerite:Way I see it a train's not so complicated -
Pip:The official Imperial Railways -
Guy:Just go forward! You were going foward for a bit there!
Pip:Official Imperial Railways business, we're working on it. It's technical difficulties,
Daggerite:Technical difficulties my shoe.
Pip:Did you happen to see where those mermaids went?
Daggerite:Yeah, we saw them. Why are you wondering?
Pip:I think they took something from us. Stole something.
Drix:While he's doing this, I'm gonna write out on note for the pneumatic tubes to the railmen and be like, "We need a distraction with the Daggerites."
Daggerite:Hold up, are you saying that you think one of the mermaids stole something? And that's why you're - hey!
Greg:You see he's, like, climbing up, clinging to the train. He looks in the window and he sees Trevor and his nose is pressed against it. You can kind of hear this muffled through the window, Pip hears it a little clearer. He's got a mask, but, like, it's a nose mask.
Daggerite:Are you telling me your man had the window open when the mermaids passed?
Pip:I can neither confirm nor deny suspicions.
Daggerite:Oh, you gotta be kidding me. All right. You can think he got his spirit snatched. Mermaid snatched it right up, they did.
Pip:Wonderful. Absolutely brilliant. Well, this, I'm sure you can see the, the dilemma. Given he is our one that can move the train.
Daggerite:The Imperial Railways has one guy who can use the train?
Pip:We've got one guy that can use this train. He's very special. He's uniquely qualified.
Greg:He pinches the bridge of his nose. He says some words in the language of the Daggerites.
Daggerite:All right. All right. We need to pass across this bridge. It's too long to go any other way. And the mermaids couldn't have gone very far. Now luckily for you, when a mermaid snatches a spirit, it's not to eat or anything like that. They're just gonna kind of moon over it all creepy-like. So we can talk to the fellas, borrow up a boat for you, and we'll just, we'll try to follow the wake of the mermaids. Get you, get your man's spirit back.
Pip:That's mighty gracious of you. I rightly do appreciate it.
Guy:Pip extends his hand for a handshake.
Greg:You're on, you're on top of the train, so he picks up the oar and he sort of puts it in your hand and shakes it.
Hannah:I slap Trevor again. Just for fun this time.
Guy:Pip's gonna gather the forces, as it were. Who wants to go down river? Talk with some mermaids? I think we need Andrew because neither of us can speak Hadrathi.
Hannah:Oh, I speak such basic Hadrathi, but yeah, I'll come.
Stefen:How is the weather? Are you okay?
Hannah:I speak Duolingo Hadrathi. Andrel speaks as much Hadrathi as I, Hannah, speak Spanish, which is not very much.
Stefen:Como estás?
Hannah:Estoy, estoy bien.
Stefen:Muy confidente!
Greg:You, you explain this to everybody, Pip?
Guy:Pip explains the dealio.
Andrel:That's so stupid.
Hannah:I slap Trevor a fourth time. A third time?
Greg:A third time, but a fourth time total.
Hannah:Yes.
Pip:Honestly, save some of that for me, cause...
Hannah:I mean, you're welcome to go at it. He's unconscious. He can't do anything.
Drix:He's gonna wake up with a nasty headache.
Andrel:Well, serves him right.
Guy:Pip gives him a wedgie
Drix:See, I get the venting frustration, but that kind of edges into just, like, bullying?
Pip:Listen!
Hannah:I mean, I've slapped him three times. That's getting to be bullying too.
Pip:We, we're going through The Deathlands, and this lad opens the bloody window! It's literally, like - I guess you've got, like, two jobs, one is move the train, but the other one is, like, don't fucking die!
Andrel:Well, yeah, he's also doing pretty badly at the moving the train job.
Pip:Currently, yes! I'm considering writing a formal complaint!
Andrel:Don't do that. Alright, let's just get this boat, right? Three of us are going, I assume? Are we taking anyone else? Can we fit anyone else?
Greg:The railmen show up. You see they've got some crazy device rigged up, and one of them has, like, a lighter.
Railmen:Coleburn! What we have brought here is a bit of an, just an improvised explosive device. It's a distraction. No?
Drix:No. I, one, great -
Hannah:No, take it, take it.
Drix:Great. Great, on, like, doing this. I will, I will absolutely take this with us. But maybe, maybe for distraction, not, not, not a bomb.
Railmen:Be, be very careful, mon ami. This is highly unstable. I do not know how quickly this fuse will burn. It could be very fast. Very slow.
Hannah:Okay!
Drix:Understood. I will be very careful with this. But, thank you, but the Daggerites are gonna help us out, we'll be fine. We just gotta, you know, make sure the train's ship-shape for when Trevor wakes up.
Railmen:Wakes up? What happened to our good friend Trevor?
Drix:He opened, he opened the window.
Railmen:Is this supposed to mean something?
Drix:Oh, some mermaids passed the train. Apparently if you keep the window open they steal your soul. And he opened the window.
Andrel:Cause he's a dumbass!
Railmen:Oh, that is unfortunate. But consider, what a lovely way to lose one's spirit. A wonderful way to die, to perhaps kiss a mermaid.
Andrel:Stop!
Drix:I can't, I just... Michelle...
Greg:It is a bit romantic, no?
Andrel:Stop! I hate adults!
Greg:You will understand when you are older!
Andrel:No I won't!
Pip:Unfortunately his romantic dream is currently cramping my lifestyle. So I'm gonna need him to formally rescind his, his request.
Drix:I check his lips. Did he kiss the mermaid?
Greg:Now this is me, Greg, wondering. Should Trevor be allowed to kiss a mermaid?
Guy:No, absolutely not. Absolutely not. He held hands, that's it.
Hannah:I think it's one of those things where, you know how in cartoons you, like, lean in to kiss someone and then, like...
Greg:Yeah, and then she's just...
Hannah:Yeah.
Greg:Actually, upon closer inspection you notice a bit of, like, swelling, sort of in the center of his face rather than the sides where he's been slapped. You think the mermaid actually sucked his soul out and then gave him a good slap.
Andrel:Good for her!
Pip:He's gonna be very sore.
Hannah:All right, et's go find these mermaids.
Greg:Yeah, the Dagger Isles guys are there, they're set up. Four of them total on a smaller boat.
Daggerite:All right, yeah, come on, come on. Hi there, hello.
Pip:Greetings.
Andrel:Hello.
Pip:Appreciate you doing this. It's mighty kind of you.
Andrel:We're sorry that our conductor is a big dummy.
Daggerite:Why is the conductor driving the train? Isn't that an engineer's job?
Hannah:Oh, sorry, our engineer - listen, I'm, I'm a child, I don't know what any of the train people are called.
Daggerite:That's right, I couldn't help but notice that.
Greg:What?
Daggerite:About the, the Empire's got child labor?
Andrel:Oh, yeah.
Daggerite:It's pretty terrible.
Andrel:Yeah, it's not ideal. I don't, I don't love it. I started out being like oh, this is cool, actually, but I'm starting to really not love it.
Pip:Hold on, don't ships and such have, like, cabin boys who are, like, younger?
Daggerite:Maybe Imperial ships! We don't do that on the Dagger Isles. Although it's great for young people of all ages to, you know, go out and sail, it's the thing we let people do, but we don't employ people on anything dangerous.
Pip:How is it not dangerous to be out on the... to, like...
Greg:The other Daggerites chuckle a little bit.
Daggerite:Let's just say that we Daggerites have had our old ways for a good long while.
Pip:All right. I won't question it. You're doing me a kindness, I appreciates it.
Daggerite:Let's follow the wake of the mermaids.
Greg:And yeah, woosh, they maneuver to sail.
Stefen:I do want to, I do want to make sure you know, I did bring the bomb with me.
Greg:Yeah, you guys are, like, in the back now as they're, like, sailing stuff.
Hannah:Amazing.
Daggerite:Alright, everybody. Now the important thing is that mermaids, they're gonna like to just sort of mood over your buddy's soul over there. They miss how pretty the ocean used to be, so they're just going to kind of watch the way his mortal spirit ebbs and flows, which is not great because that ebbing and flowing is actually his spirit dying.
Andrel:Yeah, not ideal.
Pip:Suboptimal, even.
Drix:How long do we have before the spirit quote-unquote dies? I guess not quote-unquote, just dies.
Daggerite:Oh, don't worry, don't worry. It takes about as long as it takes for, for a ghost to sort of rise from a body. So you got a couple days. It'll be a real awful for him, though, I can promise you that.
Andrel:Well, let's try and save him the ordeal.
Pip:Honestly, there's been multiple occasions where I've gone into the locomotive and my spirit has died seeing what Trevor's been doing, so I can relate.
Andrel:He reads some weird magazines.
Daggerite:Well, I'm not going to question that. From the mouths of babes. What a weirdo. No wonder he tried to kiss a mermaid. Just don't do it.
Andrel:Don't do it.
Daggerite:Ain't that right, lads?
Greg:And the other Daggerites are like, yeah, yeah, never do it. Never, never.
Guy:Too right, too right.
Daggerite:Can one of you keep an eye out for coves and things? Caves, little underwater coves. They like to look at the spirit above water, sort of let it play on top of the sand.
Andrel:Gotcha.
Greg:So can I get a roll from one of you? You're gonna spot it regardless, but I think depending on your roll it might be, like, more or less advantageous.
Hannah:That seems like a steel, right? Staring at things.
Guy:I would be happy to do that. Especially because, like, I was gonna say, like, as the Anchor, like, I'm not really taking hits in this one. So, steel. I think I don't want to collapse, let go, or give up.
Greg:All right.
Guy:That is a four and a six plus two. So that is 12. Righteous.
Hannah:Yeah!
Greg:Yeah, you do none of them! You keep your eyes out and you spot a cove. There's a glitter from the inside that you recognize from the scales glittering off of nothing, almost. The faint light and the bioluminescence. You can do whatever you want to announce the cove's presence.
Guy:I think I'm gonna do this dramatically. Pip takes his lightning hook and just, like, points it in the direction and activates it, just, like, that way!
Daggerite:All right then, we'll take you a bit close. Tell you what, how about I'll go with you and I'll take one of the other lads.
Andrel:Okay. What's your name?
Daggerite:My name?
Andrel:Yeah.
Jermaine:Me, I'm Jermaine.
Andrel:Jermaine. Cool.
Jermaine:Yeah.
Pip:With, with an R?
Jermaine:Yeah, Jer, Jemaine with an R.
Drix:Ah, Jermaine.
Andrel:Jermaine.
Jermaine:This here's my brother, Waika.
Pip:I see.
Jermaine:Not really my brother, but, like, we're like brothers.
Pip:I see, I see. You seem very close.
Andrel:Yeah, sure.
Jermaine:When you sail the sea together...
Andrel:They're just like us!
Pip:I can respect it.
Drix:Yeah, it's like, maybe, maybe, like, sailing is exactly is, like, kind of this exciting and it's like our thing on the train. Maybe we can do some time as the sailors on a boat thing? I don't know.
Jermaine:Yeah, yeah, I suppose that sailing is, is about as exciting as being on a train, only on a boat we can go wherever we want and you only go, go on a track and, you know, we do trading for our own selves and you're working for an Immortal Emperor.
Andrel:All right. It's not a contest.
Jermaine:If it was we'd be winning, though.
Greg:They can't go wherever they want, though. They have, they're bound by water.
Andrel:That's true. You can't go on land.
Greg:Waika goes -
Waika:What's so great about land, anyway?
Greg:But you've sussed them.
Guy:Alright, let's go.
Greg:So how do you guys approach this cove?
Guy:Do we want to be stealthy?
Hannah:Probably.
Pip:How do we take something from individuals that are just fawning over thing?
Hannah:We could use our bomb is a distraction.
Guy:That's a pretty fucking good distraction. Goddamnit Greg, you got me doing it.
Hannah:We could also just, you know, try and be sneaky. Like, fast. Go up, grab it, run away.
Pip:Are we that fast? Does any of us have swift?
Hannah:I'm not swift but I'm slippery. I'm, I got that three finesse, I'm hard to catch.
Greg:What we could also do, what we could also do is a little -
Ji'mani:Yorp yorp!
Greg:Ji'mani, like, comes out from...
Hannah:Ji'mani! Yes, right, I'm swift when I'm riding Ji'mani!
Greg:Yes.
Hannah:Yes, because Ji'mani's swift!
Greg:Yes.
Hannah:Fuck.
Guy:All right.
Hannah:Please let me do it. I want to ride my dorg into battle.
Guy:Absolutely.
Stefen:Do it.
Hannah:Hell yeah. Okay.
Greg:Yeah, Ji'mani, Ji'mani made his way onto the boat.
Hannah:Thank you for specifying for me.
Andrel:All right. It's cool. I'll ride on my dorg. We'll go, we'll get the soul, and we'll run away.
Pip:That sounds like a -
Andrel:That's the plan.
Pip:It's a good, it's a good plan.
Andrel:Yep.
Pip:I have a feeling they're not going to be too happy about us doing this, so...
Drix:Well, I mean, that's what the bomb's for. Why not, like, run out the door and then blow up the door behind us?
Pip:Do you know how long it will take to blow up the door?
Andrel:Explicitly we do not.
Greg:It'll be a roll.
Guy:I figured as much.
Greg:Your roll, your will determine it.
Guy:Stefen...
Drix:I do have an idea for that, actually. We could just shoot it with a lightning hook.
Guy:That would do it.
Hannah:That would do it.
Pip:Stefen. Don't fuck up.
Stefen:I won't fuck up.
Hannah:All right, shall we?
Guy:Let's.
Greg:Alright, so you're going in first?
Hannah:Yep.
Drix:I'm gonna plant the bomb by the door as we walk in.
Guy:Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. That's, that's as much as I'm going to do.
Greg:Let's, for the sake of argument, do an against the supernatural roll. Who is leading you guys against the supernatural?
Hannah:I mean, I'm going first, so probably me?
Greg:Andrel.
Hannah:Okay.
Greg:Have you completed your apprenticeship?
Hannah:Yes.
Greg:You have the support of another gang?
Hannah:Oh, yeah.
Greg:Yes, in the sailors. So that's another plus one. You don't have every other role, but you do have an Anchor so it's minus one. Do all the other Bulls swear to follow your orders without hesitation?
Guy:Yep.
Stefen:Yep.
Hannah:Yay.
Greg:Have you worked this line or area before? You have, so you don't take another minus one. So in total plus one.
Guy:Yo!
Hannah:We've never had a plus before, I don't think.
Greg:We sometimes have. Whoa!
Guy:We've gotten even, we've never had a plus.
Hannah:That's a nine, total.
Greg:That's a nine total, you can pick one. Seize the initiative, maintain an orderly disposition, or seize a particular opportunity or advantage.
Hannah:What does seize the initiative do in effect again?
Greg:You go first. If you don't seize the initiative, then I'll describe them doing something as you show up.
Hannah:All right.
Greg:In here you tell me what you do, and then I'll have to describe in reaction to you.
Hannah:Okay, I'll seize the initiative then.
Greg:Okay.
Hannah:I'm gonna...
Greg:You're fast.
Hannah:Yeah, I'm gonna rush in on my dorg.
Greg:So yeah, you rush in and you see there are, like, a bunch of mermaids, like, some under, like, a little underwater, some, like, out of the water. They're all sort of mooning over this, this orb. And it's just, like, and it's, like, it's floating, it's floating above the water and there's, like, little ripples with every pulse.
Hannah:Yeah, I'm just going to sprint in, take orb, sprint out.
Greg:Okay, so, so I think when you're sprinting in and you're, like, in the middle of grasping the orb, that's your opening move.
Hannah:Sure.
Greg:So roll me finesse.
Greg:Do we have lightning oil, slash does it matter?
Greg:Describe to me how you would use it.
Hannah:Alright, fair enough.
Greg:I mean, if you could describe to me how you would use it -
Hannah:No, I can't. That's an eight.
Greg:Okay, which one do you want to do?
Hannah:Quickly
Greg:Okay. Yeah, you zip in, you've got it. Ji'mani's doing that, that dog thing of, like, skittering, like, as he goes to turn around. It's just, like, shallow water and he's, like, hopping around. So you're still, like, among the mermaids as you grab it. Ji'mani did like, like, kick at one of the the mermaids. They all gasp, and they let out a surprised scream and they all start shouting out -
Mermaid:Ata? Kiara'e! Ata kiara'a!"
Greg:Which is like, she spoiled it! Child betrays us! Oh, you, child, you betray us? Treacherous child!
Andrel:Sorry!
Hannah:In Hadrathi.
Greg:They're clearly upset.
Hannah:Yeah, I figured. We need this!
Greg:You two on the outside of the cave, do you have anything you could do, do you think? You don't have to do something if you don't want to, but I'm just, like, I'm extending the offer to you. I do, I know Drix is setting up, or actually Drix's thing, yeah we'll just have Drix's thing is setting up the bomb. Pip, you doing anything?
Guy:Pip is going to use finesse, he's going to try and distract the mermaids. Finesse them into, like, looking over. I'm going to use a lightning oil for this by literally, rather than using it on myself, Pip is just going to, like, smash it against the ground kind of like a flash bang.
Greg:Nice, roll.
Guy:That is a six and a one, I got a plus one, so that is an eight, and with a lighting oil a nine, but it's the same thing.
Greg:What's the one that you do?
Guy:I would like to do this stylishly or to greater effect. I would like greater effect, please, of, like, they, their attention is drawn way away from Ji'mani.
Greg:Yep. The greater effect, I think, even is that they go to look as, like, the ripples start to go, because they feel the ripples first and then it flashes and it sort of gets all of them and they're, like, seeing stars and they begin to lash out Now Andrel is in danger of a couple of mermaids', like, claws and teeth that are sort of lashing around, cause she's, like, around them.
Stefen:Uh oh.
Greg:But yeah, Andrel.
Hannah:I would like to leave.
Greg:All right.
Guy:Does Andrel get any bonus from the distraction?
Hannah:Should I, like, roll to be out?
Greg:So the distraction will prevent pursuit, I think.
Hannah:Okay.
Guy:Cool.
Greg:Because I really like that just, like, solving the problem of, like, the pursuit, they won't be able to follow you. But Andrel is still in danger of getting, like, attacked and hurt now because they're sort of lashing out wildly now.
Hannah:Okay, yeah, I would like to just kind of run out of that tangle of people. Um, finesse, I guess, just to avoid, to duck all the hands?
Greg:Sure. Sure. Whatever you think.
Hannah:All right. Can I use lightning oil by kind of doing the same thing and tossing it behind me as...
Greg:Sure, sure.
Hannah:All right. So that's a plus four total. Nine. I would like to avoid trouble, compromise, or costs.
Greg:Okay, yeah, you toss another one behind you. Shocked some of them at the mouth of the cave - since you didn't do it quickly. You're now at the mouth of the cave. The mermaids are flopping, falling over themselves. I think some other mermaids not presently in the cove, the traders on the ship are, like, spotting them. You see Waika and Jermaine.
Pip:Time to go, lads!
Greg:They're, like, firing up a boat mounted little deterrent, like a Tesla ray gun thing, almost. It's just, it's just gonna shoot some lightning, you think. Let's stop blue balling Stefen. Andrel will be getting out from the mouth of the cove, but to get back to the boat probably still have to contend with some of the other mermaids that have not been banged.
Hannah:Okay.
Greg:Because you did not do it quickly that one time. But, Stefen.
Stefen:Let's trap these.
Greg:What are you gonna roll to, I assume... I can't assume. What are you gonna roll to blast the bomb?
Drix:I would think it would be, I think it would be finesse. He's gonna, he's gonna, like, start running and level his lightning hook at it, jump, and then, like, blast, to try and send it off.
Greg:All right. Sick. Unnecessary, but I love it.
Stefen:Absolutely! But if he's nothing if not stylish, and yeah, he's gonna use finesse. So you know, hit that, hit that nice aim.
Greg:Roll it.
Stefen:Rolling it. That would be two fours plus two. That would be a 10, babey!
Hannah:Yeah!
Greg:Which one don't you want to do?
Drix:I don't want to... I do you want to do it impressively, stylishly, and to greater effect.
Guy:I know you do.
Stefen:Alright, alright. I do it quickly and I do it impressively and stylishly.
Greg:Yeah!
Hannah:You're so fucking dumb.
Greg:Yeah, it explodes, trapping all those mermaids. I think, um...
Hannah:If you fuck me I swear to god, Stefen, I will kill you.
Drix:I think it'll be fine. I think it'll be fine.
Greg:No, no it won't be.
Stefen:Oh, no.
Greg:So some debris goes flying, pings harmlessly off the Anchor suit, sort of vaporizes before your barrier, Drix, your, your Voldranai barrier.
Stefen:Mm hmm.
Greg:Andrel, you feel a couple of rocks, like, not, like, not painful, but just sort of, like, pound against your reinforced armor. But then you hear -
Ji'mani:Yorp!
Guy:Noooo!
Greg:As Ji'mani gets hit by a rock.
Hannah:STEFEN, I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU.
Greg:And yeah, you sort of fall over. Ji'mani's like -
Hannah:STEFEN LEWIS, YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD.
Greg:Ji'mani's little, on one of his back legs, he's like -
Ji'mani:Yorp yorp yorp...
Hannah:AHHHHH!
Stefen:Oh no!
Greg:The other mermaids are approaching. There's only a handful.
Hannah:Yeah, one sec. All right, well, I'm not as fast, but I'm still gonna run, I think. Except now I have to throw me fucking dorg over my shoulders.
Greg:Okay, what do you, what do you roll, do you think, to move with your dorg?
Hannah:I would like to do -
Guy:Can I assist with this?
Hannah:How?
Guy:Oh, god. So you're, you're, like, approaching the mouth of the cave, I think.
Greg:Oh, yeah. She, well, she's, like, past it at this point.
Guy:Yeah.
Greg:Right, basically there's, like, there's, like, a little bit, there's, like, a small area between where, like, the boat is and you guys. So it's, like, one one action for her.
Guy:Yeah.
Greg:To get her, to get there.
Hannah:I, like, I, I mean, I'd like to do the finesse bob and weave thing again, unless you need, like, another roll for me to also carry Ji'mani.
Guy:I think, yeah, I think Pip's gonna rush in to take Ji'mani so that you can focus on dodging. That's how I'll assist.
Hannah:Okay. Okay.
Guy:So gonna make that finesse.
Greg:Sounds good to me. Sorry about your dorg.
Hannah:I hate you.
Drix:I'm so sorry.
Hannah:I hate you more!
Pip:That is barely a seven.
Hannah:Ah! Okay, well.
Guy:Barely a seven.
Greg:Okay.
Stefen:Oh my god.
Greg:Roll, Hannah. Yeah, Pip, Pip who was, like, you were, like, rushing past, like, goes to pick up Ji'mani.
Hannah:I'm gonna use another lightning oil, same as I did before.
Pip:And take a plus one.
Hannah:Oh, well, that, 11 on the dice plus my three finesse plus...
Guy:You're fucking gone.
Greg:Yep, yep, yep.
Hannah:Yeah, there's a lot of pluses. We're good, we're good.
Greg:Um, the...
Hannah:I, I, Andrel's eyes go red briefly seeing, seeing Ji'mani injured. There's, like, the, the mother lifting a guard off the kid rush of adrenaline.
Greg:Yeah, so Ji'mani is picked up by Pip. Andrel, yeah, you toss that, it flashes. The other mermaids that are then zapped a little further away by Waika and Jermaine. And yeah, you guys get onto the boat and get fucking going.
Hannah:Ji'mani!
Radio Announcer Greg:Ghosts on a Train would like to take a moment to bring you a message from our friends at Trials of the Apocalypse.
:Greetings from Trials of the Apocalypse. Trials of the Apocalypse is an actual play podcast telling one shot stories and a variety of Powered by the Apocalypse games, rotating players and systems each time. More and more with every new arc, we tightly edit and master our audio, injecting it full of music and sound effects to immerse you in the story. Our stories are full of badass characters -
:I don't rinse the shotgun -
:Oh, you get his arm off.
:I take his hand.
:Complicated relationships -
:You feel a certain level of familiarity with it as the ghost chokes out the word, "Brother."
:No!
:And lots of friends having fun.
:The door swings slowly open.
:Diana, will you stopped doing that, please? I'm trying to be stealthy right now.
:Every arc is independent from the others, so you can go back and listen to previous games in any order, or come and join us for our newest, playing The Watch, a low fantasy military drama of four femme of center heroes battling their own inner demons as they fight to push back the dark and manipulative forces staining their land. Find us on your favorite podcatcher, just search for Trials of the Apocalypse. See you there.
Drix:Oh, no, Ji'mani!
Andrel:I'M GONNA KILL YOU, DRIX!
Drix:I didn't mean for that to happen!
Andrel:CONSEQUENCES WILL BE HAD FOR YOUR ACTIONS! BLOOD FOR BLOOD!
Drix:Oh my god. Blood for blood seems a little bit strong!
Andrel:BLOOD FOR BLOOD!
Drix:I don't think Ji'mani's bleeding too hard!
Guy:Andrel is just, like, super heated, I think. Pip's just gonna, like, place a hand on Andrel's shoulder, just, like, -
Pip:That was very brave.
Andrel:Ah, thank you. Ugh, Trevor better, I'm gonna kill Trevor, too. This is all Trevor's fault. Blood for blood, Trevor!
Pip:I hope that he felt everything. Genuinely.
Greg:The little spirit orbit still ebbing.
Andrel:I hate you, Trevor.
Hannah:I say to the orb.
Greg:It ebbs a little faster, like -
Andrel:No, no!
Greg:Like, as if he's worried.
Andrel:Not like, not that much! Oh my god.
Greg:Oh, god.
Pip:I swear to the Emperor himself that if I come into the locomotive again and you don't have pants on. I swear, I swear, three times is enough.
Drix:Was, was he in boxers at least?
Guy:Pip just, like, hangs his head, like, dowerly, I guess.
Drix:Oh.
Guy:Cause you can't see with the helmet.
Hannah:So, yeah, you guys keep going. And Jermaine and Waika, like, Jermaine's like -
Jermaine:Sounds like your man's kind of crazy - ahem, sounds like you man's kind of crazy. Bit of a, bit of a weirdo.
Pip:He's, he's kind of a dork.
Greg:I don't know why you're looking at me like that, Hannah.
Hannah:Oh, I thought you were doing a Riverdale bit.
Greg:No, no, no. Don't worry.
Hannah:Okay.
Guy:He's doing something else.
Greg:False alarm, false alarm.
Hannah:False alarm. I was doing a Riverdale bit. The shame lies with me.
Guy:It's infected you.
Hannah:Yeah, oh, no, thoroughly.
Greg:Oh, yeah, listeners, listeners, remember that time Hannah accidentally did a Riverdale and she was, like, so mad about it because me and Stefen watch Riverdale? Now Hannah watches Riverdale with us.
Hannah:Yeah, I just straight up watch Riverdale now. It's great.
Guy:As one of our bosses has said, everything I learned about Riverdale, Riverdale, I've done so, like, against my will.
Hannah:Well, you know what? Everything I learn about JoJo's Bizarre Adventures is against my will, so you, Guy, have no room to talk to me.
Guy:That's fair.
Stefen:Correct.
Greg:Yara, yara.
Guy:Boo.
Stefen:High key one of our events could be explaining Riverdale to someone. Just for the fuck of it.
Greg:Oh, god. Yeah, no, our live events should be, like, about the stupid shit that we talk about.
Hannah:Yeah.
Greg:Like, people are like, oh, are they gonna play, like, are they gonna play, like, a game? No, I'm just gonna explain to you all the JoJo references.
Guy:And Hannah is just gonna get progressively more upset.
Hannah:Yeah, I have to be there.
Greg:Which Jojo character could beat, could beat the Immortal Emperor? The answer may surprise you.
Guy:The fact that I immediately thought about it, and it's like, I want to say something, but we're going, we're going.
Hannah:We're going, we're going. Come on. Let's get back to the train.
Greg:It's Superfly.
Hannah:Shut up.
Guy:It's always Superfly.
Greg:It's always, it's always Superfly.
Hannah:Shut up.
Greg:Yeah, you guys approach the train, the mermaids too stunned by that last really good blast to follow you in any way.
Jermaine:All right, give your man his spirit back, and then you can move your train and hopefully we won't have to see you again.
Pip:Hopefully, but I do genuinely appreciate it. It's, if you ever find yourself on the Imperial Railways and, uh, anything the Pride of Duskwall can do for you, you fine fellas, just let us know.
Jermaine:I don't suppose that I've had, particularly, a life changing experience here, but it is nice that you guys actually came out and showed up to get you man's spirit back. You could have easily told us that it wasn't your problem that your train was stopped.
Andrel:It was definitely our problem that our train was stopped. We also would like to move the train.
Jermaine:You know what I mean, though! Like, a lot of other people'd be like, "Oh, I just called, ahem, I just called - " I'm trying to do an Imperial voice. "I just called maintenance. They'll be on their way."
Hannah:Amazing.
Jermaine:Pretty good, eh?
Pip:That's pretty impressive.
Andrel:Spot on.
Drix:I'm not gonna lie, that's pretty spot on.
Pip:It's quite impressive, I must say. A laze to it.
Jermaine:Yeah, yeah, I mean, I'm kind of into the plays, truth be told. Me and Waika both.
Andrel:Of course you are.
Jermaine:So I'll tell, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what. If you're ever gonna go see a future Jemaine and Waika joint, just, just remind us who you are.
Pip:Happy to do it. It's a pleasure to meet some, some kind folks out, out in the world.
Andrel:All right, let's, let's Trevor Trevor.
Greg:Yeah, they have a drop you off. Candace is sitting there.
Guy:How do we get Trevor so back in? Is it a suppository?
Hannah:No!
Guy:I had to make the joke.
Hannah:If it's a suppository Trevor will stay dead.
Guy:I had to make the joke. I'm sorry.
Greg:Georgie is, like, pinching parts of his body, like, cheeks, and then, like, and then, like, and then, like, parts of his arm. She's, like, knocking on his knees to see if he has, like, reflexes.
Georgie:Oh, you're back. So I hear you, you got his spirit?
Andrel:Yeah, here you go. I don't know what to do with it.
Georgie:Here I go?
Andrel:No, I -
Hannah:I just wave it around near him and kind of hope something works.
Greg:As you, like, carry it close by, involuntarily his arm outstretches, catches it, and shoves it into his mouth. And then light returns to his eyes, as the light that is the thing sort of falls down and just fades into his chest.
Trevor:Oh!
Hannah:I slap him again.
Trevor:Ow! Oh, I felt all the other ones!
Andrel:Well, good.
Trevor:I felt them all at once.
Andrel:Don't try and kiss mermaids!
Pip:Why'd you open the window when we're in the middle of the Deathlands?
Andrel:Why'd you open the window? We're in the Deathlands!
Radio Announcer Greg:The mermaid lady, the mermaid lady just seem to make the air clean. And she, like, came up, and she was, like, slapping the window, and I was like, "Hey, what's up?" and I opened up but she said, she giggled and said something nice to me and reached out her hand, and, well, if anything she tried to kiss me.
Andrel:Oh my god.
Pip:Move the train!
Andrel:Move the train.
Trevor:Oh, the train stopped. I stopped the train when I fell unconscious. Okay.
Andrel:Well, maybe. Or, maybe, did you know the train only works for you?
Greg:He looks a bit panicked for a moment.
Trevor:Oh, wow. Like, how, how much? What? That's crazy.
Pip:Move the train!
Andrel:Yeah, we had to - move the train. I, we're gonna have words about this, Trevor!
Trevor:Sure, sure. We can have words about exactly how much you know about the train.
Greg:And he pushes, it starts moving.
Andrel:Yeah, we tried to make the train move and it wouldn't, and Candace was like, "Oh, that's because it only works for Trevor." And we were like, "That seems like a stupid engineering decision." And Candace was like, "Well, eh."
Trevor:Yep. It's a, it's a dumb engineering thing, but it's fact. That's exactly what it is.
Andrel:Nope, nope. The way you're saying that makes me not believe you. What is it, Trevor?
Drix:It also sounds like a diabolical one.
Trevor:Well, let me tell you this, whether or not you believe me, that's all I'm going to tell you.
Drix:Is your dad part of the train?
Trevor:I'm not gonna tell you shit.
Andrel:Are you a baby, Trevor? Did your dad fuck the train?
Trevor:That's insane. What the hell is wrong with you?
Hannah:That's a little out of character for Andrel.
Greg:Andrel, do you know, do you know how sex works? How would...
Andrel:I know the broad strokes!
Pip:No, no, we're not giving the talk til she's fifteen years old!
Andrel:I know that there's a thing that goes in another thing.
Drix:La la la la la la la la!
Hannah:And the train has has lots of things that you can put things in. So it seems plausible.
Trevor:That is deranged. You, we, we've thoroughly ruined you, thoroughly ruined you, Andrel Anderson. For that I'm sorry. Get out of the locomotive. All of you get out of the locomotive. We're going, I, it's cool.
Andrel:You know what, actually, I do need to go sit down and think about this for a minute.
Pip:We're going back to the bullpen.
Guy:As Pip goes, he just, like, points back and is like -
Pip:Keep your pants on.
Hannah:As we're walking Andrel's like -
Andrel:Am I wrong about how sex works? Did I get that wrong?
Drix:You got the basic mechanics right. I just don't think it's possible with the train.
Andrel:Okay, what's the difference?
Pip:We'll talk about this later.
Greg:And on that I think we fade away from that conversation as the Pride of Duskwall passes nonstop through the Irondale lightning barrier, through Irondale, continuing onwards towards Thorne. I'm giving our Line Bulls a little bit of free time on the train. This is a this is a much lighter line, we want to take it easy after the last one. Anything that you guys want to do.
Hannah:I want to harangue Mr. McClaremont.
Greg:All right. Yeah, so, Andrel, over the course of the journey from Irondale to Thorne you head to the passenger car, see some wild Severosi horses are running across the plains in the window.
Hannah:With their horrible eyes.
Greg:Yeah, their eyes glowing in the dark.
Hannah:Andrel, Andrel, like, very, it looks very silly because Andrel is a young child, but she, like, carries Ji'mani in and she's like -
Andrel:Mr. McClaremont, I, I did the medical stuff to help Ji'mani, I, like, put a bandage on him.
Ji'mani:Yorp yorp...
Andrel:I, can we, like, pray over him or something?
Mr. McClaremont:Oh, of course. It must be a very scary time when a girl's dorg gets hurt.
Andrel:Yeah, I did not like this. I am going to kill Drix.
Mr. McClaremont:Come here, come here.
Greg:He, like, he, like, motions towards his knees, like, come here, come here.
Hannah:Yeah, yeah.
Greg:And he, like, he, like, lifts you up and he's, like -
Mr. McClaremont:There, there.
Greg:And he picks up Ji'mani, Ji'mani on the other knee.
Andrel:Hey, Mr. McClaremont, what was your backstory with the Ecstacy of the Scared Flesh folks?
Greg:Oh, all right then. Well...
Andrel:Yeah, no, I'm not leading into this. Just tell me, you said a bunch of really ominous stuff, and I would love to know what the deal is.
Guy:Before we go on, I like to imagine that Mr. McClaremont is, like, six foot eight. So, like, Andrel, despite being, like, you know, almost fully grown, still just, like, looks absolutely tiny, just, like, placed on his knee.
Hannah:Yep.
Greg:She's not always fully grown. She's tall for her age, which is 13 years old.
Hannah:She's also, yeah, AFAB folks stopped growing at, like, 15? She's got another couple of years in her.
Stefen:Just gotta hit her spurt.
Greg:Gotta get that spurt!
Hannah:She might've have had her spurt already. I don't know.
Greg:So Mr. McClaremont is like -
Mr. McClaremont:Alright, then. Sorry this is boring you, Ji'mani.
Greg:And Ji'mani just goes -
Ji'mani:Yorp yorp.
Greg:And just sort of, like, nestles a bit.
Hannah:Pat, pat.
Mr. McClaremont:Well, I used to be Father McClaremont of the Church of the Sacred Flesh, as Reverend Declan said, and as I brought to you. But, um, well, I did indeed go on missions, not unlike the one that you participated in. And when I found the sort of thing we were doing to Daggerites, and not only, not only Daggerites, but Skovlanders, or poor folk anywhere really that came to us for assistance. We would, rather than aid in their suffering, we would judge them for their choices, blaming them for circumstance. And well, the whole thing just eventually didn't sit right with me. That was when I turned to a more broad understanding of spirituality. When faced with a life that is so assuredly singular, as you are aware, I believe that religion really could have pivoted to be more accepting of different lifestyles and circumstances, and we could have focused on making our short time together just a little better. But, um, even before the Church of the Sacred flesh became Ecstatic, there were problems, and, well, when an organization begins to care more for preserving the organization than its members and the people that says to help, well, it's already too late.
Andrel:Mmm.
Mr. McClaremont:Perhaps it was cowardly of me to leave instead of attempting to fix the rot, but the Church is expansive. All over. Many of the most powerful people will join because the Church is so monolithic, and the Church is so monolithic, because so many in power continue to flock to it. It is a frustrating status quo that I am woefully underequipped challenge.
Andrel:I do feel that. Well, that was good of you to leave, I think.
Mr. McClaremont:Oh, it was, it was good for me to leave. I have felt much better about myself.
Andrel:Good. You're doing good stuff on the train. If only by helping my dorg.
Mr. McClaremont:Andrel...
Greg:He gives a little, like, pat on the head.
Mr. McClaremont:Are you fighting some status quo? Are you, are you hurting? You speak with a bit of a burden to you. A little more than just protecting lives on this train.
Andrel:I mean, I'm not fighting anything, really, but...
Mr. McClaremont:You having feelings?
Andrel:A little bit. I know I could get murdered for saying this, but... I think the Empire is bad, actually. I think the Emperor is not great. And I work for him.
Mr. McClaremont:The Imperium is so full of problems that the only advice I can offer to you is, well... while we can't exactly just quit, I just personally try my best to do what I can. As I truthfully do not believe that we could have the opportunity to challenge this machine that makes up our entire lives. So long as there is an Immortal Emperor, which there will be always.
Andrel:This is a purely hypothetical question. If you could challenge it, would you?
Mr. McClaremont:If I believed it would make somebody short time on this earth better? Certainly. But don't go thinking you need to be fighting all those battles.
Greg:Gives your hair a little ruffle.
Greg:Thanks, Mr. McClaremont.
Mr. McClaremont:And Ji'mani, you, you don't gotta be fighting all these battles either.
Andrel:Ji'mani is a - do you ever think, sometimes I also worry that, like, Ji'mani doesn't get any say in any of this, right? He's a dorg. What if I'm making him do stuff that go against his morals?
Greg:He squishes Ji'mani's face in his hands and uses his thumb to, like, pet the handlebar mustache. Ji'mani's, like, tail wags, wags a bunch. And he goes -
Mr. McClaremont:Ji'mani, Ji'mani, do you feel like you're, you're helping Andrel out against your will?
Ji'mani:Yorp!
Mr. McClaremont:Oh, you like, you like helping Andrel?
Ji'mani:Yorp yorp yorp!
Mr. McClaremont:Alright, you just keep doing that and you let her know if you ever, if you, if you ever feel against it. You let her know.
Greg:He goes -
Ji'mani:Yorp yorp!
Guy:Very cute. Extremely wholesome. Thank you.
Greg:Drix and Pip, what are you doing?
Guy:First I have a little sidebar. But, that conversation is the thing that Hannah raws.
Greg:Hmm?
Hannah:The thing I what?
Guy:That you raw. Go in raw on.
Greg:Oh.
Stefen:Oh, it's a call back!
Guy:It's a call back!
Greg:You went in raw.
Hannah:Hey! I did go in raw!
Greg:Everybody write, everybody write that down.
Guy:Everyone write that down.
Hannah:Yeah!
Greg:The day this episode came out, Hannah, Hannah went in raw.
Hannah:All right. I thought you were saying rod.
Guy:No.
Hannah:Like, r-o-d. Yeah, okay. No, cool.
Stefen:I thought you were saying rot.
Guy:I realized it when you just, like, went in just, like, just, like, yeah, I'm just going for it. And just like, oh my god.
Hannah:I did very much go in raw.
Greg:So Drix or Pippin.
Guy:The, the Pip scene that I have is either going to be very comedic or very serious, so. One of the two, I do not know.
Stefen:Uh, go for it, go for it. I'm still, I'm still formulating my Drix scene.
Guy:Pip goes into the luggage compartment to sort things, but also to interrogate every rat individually about what they know.
Hannah:It's easier to interrogate them when they're not individuals.
Guy:Exactly, but, like, Pip's just like -
Pip:Come out. I know you know something.
Greg:The rats are, like, first scattering a bit, and then eventually, whoop, they, their tails begin to intertwine as they try to flee from you. Suddenly, they stop and their eyes go white and they all turn to you. And they say one voice -
King of Rats:Woah, Pippin McKeel, cool your cheese! You're scaring the jibblets out of these rats! What's, what's going on?
Pip:You know something about me that I don't know. And I would very much like to be informed.
King of Rats:I thought, I thought that you did know. You, you're purified.
Pip:What does that mean, exactly? Talk very slowly, because I am slightly hungover.
Greg:The collection of rats looks a little demure.
King of Rats:Okay, all right. So truth be told, we don't exactly remember. That is because there's only so many rats here. The King of Rats is wherever there are rats, and there will always be rats, there always have been rats. But I can only remember so much when there's this many rats.
Pip:So what you're saying is you need, you need more rats?
King of Rats:Yeah, I think we remember something. The rats remember, about you and why we call you Purified. But it's years ago, years. We would need so many rats. An amount of rats that we have not, that we have not inhabited in decades, for reasons that we've forgotten.
Pip:I thought that rats only live, like, three years?
King of Rats:Exactly. We're not, we, the King of Rats are not individual rats. We are thoughtform built from all the rats, so we need to get together enough rats to sort of turn the clock back on my memory.
Pip:All right. I'm guessing that maybe this was either something that you were a little bit early to pull the trigger on, but, like, you're really tickling the balls here with this. It's tantalizing, it is.
King of Rats:It's just truth be told, you need to get, get us a bunch of rats.
Pip:Alright, I'll get you a fuckton more rats.
King of Rats:Like, I need a lot of rats. In fact, you know, how about a tete-a-tete, Pippin McKeel? You first met us in a slaughterhouse. We know that it is your Imperial tradition to make your slaughterhouses out of rats! And mice, but I don't give a shit about those. There's no King of Mice. If there was, I'd pop 'em. On sight. Rats hate mice. The King of Rats is wherever the rats and, wherever there are rats, you will never see a mouse.
Hannah:Okay.
Pip:A-all right. O-okay. Oh.
King of Rats:Yeah, get me a bunch of rats. Preferably from a slaughterhouse.
Pip:A-all right. I'll -
King of Rats:Bring 'em all, bring 'em all.
Pip:I'll do my best. Oh, this is gonna have all sorts of relationship complications
King of Rats:Listen, if you want to know what we know... I kind of want to know, but I'm a little incurious. On account of being a thoughtform based on rats.
Pip:That's, that's true, I guess. It's... alright, I'll, I'll do it. I'll, I'll, I'll free the rats.
King of Rats:Yeah, just whenever you can get to it. There's a lot of slaughterhouses, I know.
Pip:They'll call me... Pippin Rattleseed. That doesn't work. No, it's...
King of Rats:We'll call you, we'll call you oh, Purified. Pippin McKeel, oh Purified. That's all you need.
Pip:Yeah, it's, I was trying to do a thing. But, like, it doesn't even work. It doesn't make sense.
King of Rats:Oh, was that a reference? I don't remember that. On account of being, being only this many rats.
Pip:Honestly, I expected there to be more rats here, I suppose. But all right. I won't complain.
King of Rats:Yeah, truth be told, there's only about a dozen. They're very mischevious though, I gotta say. And these guys breed a lot. You kill 'em, they're right back up to twelve.
Pip:That's... alright. I oughta thank you for your, your quest, oh wise King of Rats.
King of Rats:Oh, I like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, go forth, go forth, oh, Purified, Pippin McKeel, and here! For undertaking this test, let us give onto you a boon! AHHHH
Greg:And they concentrate really hard, there's a crackle of electricity in the air, and there's a plate with a single triangle of cheese on the floor in front of you. And then the, the rats, their tails disentangle and they scatter.
Guy:Does one of them steal the cheese?
Greg:Yeah, one of them goes for the cheese.
Guy:Cool. Pip takes the plate, I guess.
Hannah:Amazing.
Greg:Drix?
Stefen:Drix is going to go to the dining car. He actually wants to have a talk with Greta.
Greg:You walk past. You see Crispy Rat and the piano guy are playing a game of cards.
Guy:Are they playing Too Old Cat? Too Old Rat?
Greg:We haven't watched Over the Garden Wall yet this year.
Hannah:No, we haven't.
Greg:Hannah and I just talked about it. I do, I do think about Too Old Cat sometimes.
Stefen:We didn't watch it either.
Greg:It's, this, this might still come out in November, I don't know. But you pass by and, like, Crispy Rat, like, puts a card down. He's like -
Crispy Rat:A-yes! Shine again for Crispy Rat!
Greg:And he gets a bunch of, like, star chip tokens, and he rakes them over and the keyboard guy puts out an angry little boop boop boop boop. So you get into the dining car, and you see the railmen all crowded around Greta as she's holding, like, from the caboose, like, an industrial torch, and she's very carefully torching a souffle. And they all give, like, a golf, a golf clap as she finishes.
Stefen:Oh, that's really cool.
Guy:Greta is, as Aurora would say, Wife City.
Hannah:Wife City.
Greg:Wife City. Drix, she's, she turns to you and she's like -
Greta:Oh, does that, does that impress you, Drix?
Drix:Yeah. I mean, it seems like it'd be a hell of a lot of effort to put together.
Greta:You don't know the half of it. Getting whatever these eggs are, well, it costs a pretty penny, and it comes with the fact that we don't know what kind of eggs they are. But it'll souffle like anything else. So they are bird eggs.
Drix:Okay. All right. All right. I'm kind of curious what kind of eggs they are, but I guess there's no way to really track that back, huh?
Greta:No, no, not unless you pray to a Forgotten God and divined it with some knucklebones or something.
Drix:Yeah, hmm. I don't know.
Greta:Truth be told, I think it might be better not to know.
Drix:Honestly, that makes a lot of sense to me. That's actually, that's a little bit kind of what I wanted to ask you about. The Forgotten Gods. Like, divining things knucklebones, like, is there anything, anything the Forgotten Gods can do to, like... maybe I'm, maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree, but, like, what kind of things can you do with, like, calling to a Forgotten God?
Greta:I'm going to be right up front with you, Drix. I am, I'm not a witch or anything like that. I don't know. I, on, on a day to day level, I, well, I, I've got this tattoo of the Lady of Thorns and I like to, you know, you know, I think, I think about her and, you know, it's, it helps me through, living, living this life. But you ask a witch to divine you something with knucklebones? What should I have for breakfast? Should, should I stay with her? You know, that sort of thing. And you know, you, in my opinion, I think you just sort of, it, it helps you clarify things. I don't know how, you can never tell if somebody is, like, doing actual witchcraft, so I think it really just helps you focus, think, draw out what you're, what you're really thinking of.
Drix:I see, I see.
Greta:But I think witches, for the most part, they can summon aspects of the Forgotten Gods and have them do their bidding.
Drix:Interesting.
Greta:Well, it's not exactly bidding, as it is a god. It's more like enticing them. You sort of let it loose at a problem, sort of set up circumstances that they will more than likely act a certain way. But I'm sure a bad witch or an evil one or something could...
Drix:That's just the problem, ain't it? You set something loose and you don't know what it can do and then it takes over the world and...
Greta:Yeah. Are you speaking, like, more than a hypothetical? Is something taking over the world?
Drix:I mean, nothing that already hasn't.
Greta:Are you talking, are you talking, like, the Immortal Emperor?
Drix:Yeah, I just... it's one of those days where, you know, we kinda wonder whether the weight of, like, living under tyranny is gonna, whether or not...
Greg:She looks around a bit, and she does the, like, finger under the nose thing. Like, the, like, I get what you're saying. She looks around and sees that you guys are, like, alone. The railmen are, like, happily crowded around the souffle.
Greta:I'm a Skov. It's all too in our recent memory, in each and every one of our hearts, to remember what the Immortal Emperor did to us. And well, you, it's tragic with Andrel, but she's Iruvian. I think, I think you're one of the only other people on the crew here that really gets what it's like when the Empire came into your home and sort of forced itself upon you. Not that, of course, you were there. But, you know, effects you.
Drix:Yeah. I mean, you know, generational trauma, boy. It's just kind of weird being here. And knowing that, I don't know, it feels... feels, like, so much stronger than us. And I just don't really know what to do.
Greta:Well, it always does help for me when I light a candle and think of the, think of the Lady of Thorns. If you want to entreat somebody that can maybe help you, even if it's just to give you some internal strength.
Drix:I'm always open to trying new things. Sure, Greta. Thanks.
Greta:You know, it doesn't have to be a Forgotten God. You could, you could, you know, believe in anything, anything that'll get you through it.
Drix:Yeah, I think, I think I can believe in the people on this train, at least.
Candace:That's good. This is a good, good train. A lot of other Imperial joints, well, they seem a bit culty, you know? Candace, Candace, she keeps it real. And also the fact that she hires on such a permanent staff. A lot of other Line Bulls and chefs and even the railmen there, you know, they might get hired for only so long of a gig, dropped at a moment's notice. Line Bulls when they get injured. Chef if they start to get old.
Drix:it seems like around here people take care of each other.
Greta:Yeah.
Drix:It's kind of something, something you know find too often in Akaros, and I guess I kind of missed it, you know? Yeah. I guess I should do whatever I can to take care of the people on this train, right?
Greta:Whatever you can. And we'll take care of you.
Drix:Thanks, Greta. Means a lot.
Greg:So you hear the railmen are like -
Railmen:Mon ami, Colburn, come over here! We have a spoon for you to try the souffle!
Drix:Ah, that sounds heavenly. I, you know, I could just go for, like, a tall glass of sweet tea with that.
Greg:Greta, Greta is furiously looking for, for tea.
Greta:I could make it kind of hot? We don't, we don't, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
Drix:It's, it's alright, Greta. It's, it's all right.
Railmen:Jacque here thinks that it is a crow egg, but I know for sure that it is swallow. How about you take a bite and you try to guess what kind of bird laid this, laid this egg?
Drix:All right, all right, all right, I think, now, now, going in, going in without any, any foreknowledge, I'm just gonna lay out a flat guess of a... a robin. But, but we're gonna, we're gonna try this and then we'll see if we can get any closer.
Greg:I think with the spoon in, the Pride of Duskwall approaches the lightning barrier to Throne in Severos!
Hannah:Drix's hometown, yeah?
Greg:No.
Hannah:No, okay, cut that.
Greg:No, I mean, I'll explain it. Drix's hometown is Cullfield, which is to the west of Thorne. It's the next stop to the west of Thorne.
Hannah:Exciting!
Stefen:Hell yeah.
Greg:So we're close.
Stefen:We're very close, which is why Drix is getting a little...
Greg:Yeah, getting a little antsy! We're gonna have a little Drix, some Drix action -
Stefen and Hannah:Yeah!
Greg:- for maybe the next, next couple lines, if we can help it.
Drix:Just a little bit, a little bit of Drix stuff, things going on, you know.
Greg:It's Drix's time! But yeah, thank you so much for listening, layover next time! Or rather, what we're going to do, probably, this is episode 40. In the next two weeks, we're going to probably put out a, another short story like The Burned King, and then after that, we might take hiatus. So that way, we can record some, like, Patreon stuff and also just the episodes, and also so I personally, uh, can, like, get a little bit ahead as far as the editing goes, because I have been editing these things, like, getting them done the night before. And that's not good.
Guy:Not healthy.
Greg:I've got an entire job and stuff. Thank you, Hannah. Hannah's patting my head.
Hannah:Yeah.
Stefen:Yeah, the break will be good for you.
Greg:Yeah. And it'll be good for you, the listener! Cause you'll get some good content.
Guy:You can also listen to other podcasts on the Faustian Nonsense network.
Hannah:Yeah!
Stefen:Whaaaat?
Greg:Yeah, listen to other stuff! Broaden your horizons. We love you.
Andrel:We do love you.
Stefen:Yeah.
Greg:That's, that's actually, that's dangerous to say. I love, I love the idea that, I love that we can, we can give you some content you enjoy.
Guy:This is inherently a parasocial relationship it's, no, it doesn't.
Hannah:It is.
Greg:No, it's, no.
Hannah:I don't know you.
Guy:But I appreciate you.
Stefen:Yep.
Greg:That's what we appreciates about you. Bye!
Hannah:Bye!
Stefen:See ya.
Greg:The Pride of Duskwall, once more making it into its destination. The passengers away, the train unpacked of freight, there is only one thing left to do, and that is for the Line Bulls to confer with Candace to officially be let on leave. But this time, the Line Bulls of the Pride are confronted with a dusty old box.
Guy:Gasp.
Greg:Candace the middle aged woman, or older woman, with a cigarette holder lets out a cough not brought on by tobacco, but from the dust of the Pride of Duskwall's very own suggestion box.
Candace:All right. Oh, okay.
Andrel:Do you have Coronavirus?
Candace:I don't even know what that is.
Andrel:Okay.
Candace:I don't even know what that is. Oh, now -
Pip:Is, is that the one where you grow, like, oh, it looks like a crown out your head?
Andrel:I don't know. Maybe. I just said that.
Drix:I thought that was the one where you, where if you drink alcohol you, like, immediately, like, barf it back up.
Candace:No, it's the one where you guys help me answer this suggestion. Right here. That's right. Somebody -
Drix:That's an illness?
Candace:Oh, it's, it's a symptom. And the disease are passengers.
Andrel:Well, that's not very nice.
Candace:Eh, once you've worked the lines long enough, young lady, you'll know, you'll know what it means. But listen, why don't we take a read of this one? This one looks pretty long, and it looks like the writer crossed out, crossed out some bits. They got they got really passionate about this one, but they will, they wanted to mercifully get to the point.
Pip:Did they do in pencil or pen?
Candace:That's, that's the fucked up part. We left an old pen, it looks like the pen's dried up. Pencil, super broken. All it was left with some charcoal. So...
Greg:She produces a very comically large piece of paper.
Andrel:Oh boy.
Candace:This is what happens when the suggestion box doesn't get any use. All right. To whom it may concern. My beautiful husband and I accompanied my supremely talented daughter from Akaros to Severos, so that she could play at the Irondale 45th Annual Holler and Hootenanny. However, I was sorely disappointed - in all caps. Okay, this is gonna be a good one. And it is my duty as a customer to explain to you why I felt this way so that no one else will suffer as me and my family have.
Drix:Wow, what a noble act.
Candace:Yeah, you survived long enough to write this, so I think we did a pretty good job, okay? I was aghast to realize that there was no observation car in this miserable collection of boxes you call a train. Oh, okay! These are demands!
Andrel:What's an observation car?
Drix:Yeah, I'm...
Stefen:The, let's, let's see. The meager windows on the side of the train were simply not big enough. I imagine an observation car where both the walls and rounded domed ceil - the wall? Oh, I see what it is. A typo. Where both the walls are rounded, domed ceiling, are all one large window so we can see the pleasures of the scenery?
Drix:I'm...
Andrel:The Deathlands?
Drix:They want, they want a beautiful view of the scenic Deathands.
Pip:How would they even see anything? It's not like it's lit. Like, we don't have lanterns or anything like that out there.
Candace:It's, I mean, there's, like, the blue from the train's electrofields?
Andrel:But even if they do see anything all it is is, all it's gonna be is, like, ghosts doing a murder.
Candace:Maybe they're, like, a, maybe they're, like, some some real sickos. Like, like a goth, you know?
Andrel:Maybe.
Candace:They, like, they're like, ooh, I want to see a petrified tree. I want to see, I want to see the corpse of an ancient giant.
Drix:I want to see a Line Bull fly off of my rounded train car.
Andrel:Oh, they'd see us fighting. Oh...
Candace:Oh, yeah, you know, maybe, maybe not, maybe, maybe not a domed ceiling.
Andrel:Yeah, that would be really bad for us.
Drix:Yeah, I, we literally could not fight on it well.
Hannah:If it's glass then our boots won't stick to it.
Candace:Yeah, yeah. Okay, so we're gonna put a metal top, metal top, that's decided.
Andrel:Okay.
Candace:Listen, this is why I hate passengers. They know nothing about trains.
Andrel:I am starting to get it.
Candace:They got, they got nothing but things to ask. And then no, no, no sense of how to do it. All right, there's three more paragraphs of this thing. The trip to Severos was also sorely lacking - sorely, in capitals again - in entertainment. At the very least, the Pride of Duskwall should have - a phonograph? Oh, and just play music for free, all right! With the passengers, so that there is something pleasant to listen along during the trip, aside from the rickety sounds of the train rattling along the track.
Andrel:I like the train sounds.
Candace:Do people not like the train sounds?
Andrel:I like them!
Candace:I don't have control over what sounds a train makes, but...
Pip:Hold on a second.
Drix:I don't know. I like the train sounds.
Andrel:It, like, reminds you that you're moving.
Drix:Yeah, it's like, it's like, how else are you gonna know if you're on a train? Then you'd just be in, like, a moving room.
Andrel:Yeah.
Pip:Did they get the, did they get the luxury car or the standard? The economy class?
Candace:I mean, considering the way that they're writing, I, it could go either way. This could be, like, a, like, a rich, like, a rich bastard who's like, "Oh, my my husband and I, you know, we paid you a lot." Or this could just be, like, a, like, a, like, a poor person with class rage, you know?
Drix:Yeah. Man, I've, I've known, I've known, like, one person to be like that. What was her name - Corinne? I think it was Corinne?
Andrel:Kate?
Pip:I feel like you're doing something here and I don't like it.
Candace:You know a couple Corinnes in your life, Pippin?
Pip:No, I just have a, a fourth sense about these sort of things.
Andrel:There are five senses. Like, normally.
Pip:I said what I said.
Andrel:Okay.
Candace:Listen, okay, you know what, I'm just gonna move on. But so far the list of demands is observation car that we're gonna, we're gonna fix the design a little bit, and the phonograph to play music for free, I guess.
Andrel:I mean, you could charge them.
Candace:Yeah, coin operated phonograph.
Andrel:Or we could get a lounge singer.
Candace:That is way more expensive. Are you kidding me?
Andrel:I just think it would be fun to have another person on the train.
Candace:Oh, just another person on the payroll! It'd a be funny - ooh, Andrel!
Pip:Hold on a second. Can we do like, can we do, like, tryouts? And see if there's someone already on the train who ccan, who can sing. And then we get them to do, like, double duty and they're already paid. And that way we get the entertainment and we don't need to come up with any more people.
Andrel:I did a singing job once.
Drix:I'll have you know nobody on this train can carry a tune for free.
Andrel:Yeah, that's true. If you make me sing in addition to hunting ghost I, that will not go well.
Candace:No, no, no, we're, listen. We won't have to deal with that. Because you, you three are off the, you're not allowed, because we need you to get up there, up top.
Pip:Thank the Emperor.
Railmen:Yeah. One time though, I did hear, I did hear one of the railmen singing, singing some classics in the company showers.
Andrel:We have showers?
Hannah:Where, where?
Candace:At the train stations.
Andrel:Oh, yeah.
Candace:There's showers available to you.
Andrel:Okay, yeah.
Candace:Have you not been taking showers, Andrel?
Andrel:No, I've been taking showers! I thought you meant, like, on the train.
Candace:A young lady like you need to be clean.
Andrel:I've been taking showers!
Candace:Okay. You're just, you're kind of a, you were a bit of a filthy urchin and when we found you, so, like.
Hannah:Yeah, because I lived in an orphanage!
Candace:All right.
Pip:Did, did they not have showers in the orphanage?
Andrel:I - do, do you want to go in the big shower room where everyone just, they're not nice.
Pip:All I'm saying is you've all lucked out because I've been told that my singing voice could bring a man to tears.
Candace:Alright, last bit of demands here. The Pride of Duskwall should also have an eel tank and a rat pen in the dining car? I demand to see the eels and rats used in the food so that I may pick and choose whichever one looks the best to be prepared for my family. Oh, oh no. We're in trouble here.
Andrel:Okay, we cannot have a rat tank.
Candace:Oh, I mean, it's not just that. We, they're saying here, this would guarantee that the food is fresh, fresh in all caps, too. We don't, I can't afford fresh food, are you kidding me? All this stuff comes out of a can.
Andrel:Okay, so we're not doing that one.
Drix:Yeah, I feel like, I feel like, you know, there are a lot of reasons we absolutely should not have rat tank.
Candace:But look, but look, no, we've already put the thoughts in their heads! As far as I know, the chef might be choosing the most measly, sickly-looking week-old leftovers. Oh, this is gotta be a way, we can think about this.
Pip:All right. So I've got, I've got an idea. It's an old trick I learned out on the street.
Candace:Yeah, yeah.
Pip:You get a tank, and you put, it's got two sections. And there's a mirror behind it.
Candace:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Pip:So basically, you have, like, the live stuff that people can see. And then when someone chooses something, you take it and put it into the other one, and then you just give them the same old shit as usual. And then you could just keep doing that over and over.
Candace:Oh, yeah, yeah!
Andrel:Pip, Pip, we cannot have a rat tank.
Candace:No, Pip, Pip, no, this is, this is great. Listen, here, here, Pippin McKeel. Okay, okay.
Greg:She, she opens up a closet somewhere.
Candace:Okay, okay, here's a, here's a, here's an eel catching net, here's some tackle, here's some bait, here's a glove, the eel bite glove. Eels can't bite through it, so when you're grappling, grappling with them you're good. Here's some, here's some eel bait, some eel pheromones.
Drix:I cannot believe you had all of this on hand.
Andrel:Why do you have eel pheromones?
Candace:I - listen, listen.
Pip:You never know when it comes in handy.
Candace:My ex husband used to, used to love to go eel fishing.
Andrel:You have an ex husband?
Candace:Yes.
Andrel:How long ago did you get divorced? Why do you still have his eel pheremones?
Candace:Oh, I didn't, I didn't. He, he passed away.
Drix:Is Candace love a -
Pip:What about your ex wife?
Candace:She I did divorce. I'm just kidding. I have not had a wife. I didn't get remarried. When you've lived a lot of life like me, Andrel, you've got a lot of loves in your life. And not, more than one of them died.
Andrel:All I asked about was the eel pheremones.
Candace:Well, the ex husband died in an eel accident. He loved to go eel fishing.
Andrel:And you kept the pheremones?
Pip:I mean, they don't go bad. Maybe they do.
Candace:Kind of, it kind of smells like him. Well, rather, it smells like how he often smelled, and unfortunately, I have some positive associations with it. Eels do too, which is why they ate him.
Andrel:Holy shit.
Candace:Pippin, you'll be fine though, I'm sure.
Pip:Yeah, I got this.
Candace:As for you, Andrel, I've got a very important job for you.
Andrel:I'm not catching any rats.
Candace:Oh, too late.
Andrel:No, I'm not doing it.
Candace:You are gonna catch some rats.
Andrel:I'm not doing it.
Candace:Only you can climb into the little -
Andrel:I'm not doing it.
Candace:You, young lady.
Andrel:I'm not.
Candace:Young lady -
Andrel:You can't make me. We should not have a rat tank.
Candace:Well -
Andrel:I cannot explain to you why, but we cannot do - Candace, you remember how you were gonna, like, trust us on things? We cannot have a rat tank.
Pip:Oh, it's fine. We're friends now.
Andrel:No, it's not. You know that it would not be.
Drix:Pip, you know for a fact -
Candace:Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I will listen to you on one condition. It'd be too expensive to have a live singer. So can you, can you help me get some records?
Andrel:Yes, I can help you get some records.
Candace:Okay.
Pip:Make sure we get the -
Andrel:I am not taking requests, Pippin McKeel.
Pip:Not, not even the musical stylings of Sebastian Black?
Andrel:No, shut the fuck up. You are not creating more work for me.
Pip:I don't know, like, he seems to be kind of everywhere throughout the setting.
Drix:I think it would be better to not have Andrel interact with Sebastian Black. Who knows if, who knows if his lady is around?
Candace:This sounds like a very interesting, fun little encounter you guys had but, I don't want to hear about it. All right. Let's see the end of this. Okay. Please, in all caps, renovate the Pride of Duskwall at once or my family and I will never ride on it again. Oh, I'm fucking scared. No, but the, this is unfortunately probably what other passages think. Write to me as soon as you fix these terrible issues with your train and maybe then I will think about riding again and use my considerable social standing to convince others to ride as well. Regards, Nathaniel Orchard Strathmill. Oh, okay. Okay.
Andrel:Is that someone?
Drix:That's not?
Candace:Okay, so, so, so get this, get this. Now, I, I don't like to gossip, you didn't hear this from me. The Orchard family? Not much, has-beens. But the Strathmills that he married into? They got a little bit of pull. So I think this guy's sort of flexing his hubby.
Andrel:Okay.
Candace:That's what we got here.
Andrel:Okay, so he probably has some issues.
Greg:Yeah, he's, that's, yeah. Yeah.
Drix:Seems like he's got a bit of a, what's the word, insecurity about the whole deal?
Candace:But, but, you know, I'm sure his husband is fine. I don't know how much of this is being imputent. Regardless, if you get a suggestion, then you probably have other customers thinking about this sort of stuff, so.
Pip:That's true. It's probably also, like, a package deal just between the both of them. Like, I don't think, I don't think it's just one of their thoughts individually. That's not how relationships really work. It's all about communication. You know?
Candace:Yes. And if the Strathmills think that our train could be better, then I care. I don't care about this Nicholas Orchard or whatever, whatever his name was before he was married. It's Nathaniel, I'm just kidding. I was razzing him. So, observation car. That's gonna take a while. We're gonna take a while for that one, I guess. Phonograph? We got Andrel hunting us down some records. Let's see, eels, Pippin McKeel, you're gonna go catch those eels.
Drix:What should I do?
Candace:You can... well, we're not doing the rat pan. Find out which one of those railmen was singing in the showers, because one of them had the voice like an angel. But the other, the other four to six were horrible.
Drix:Got you, got you. I recently saw this play, I think it was called Pitch, Pitch Per-something? Forget it. They have the whole audition scene. I think I can figure something now. I got you.
Hannah:Oh my god.
Candace:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hannah:Is this a purposeful Glee reference, or are you just, or is it just...
Greg:Yeah, it purposeful Glee reference.
Andrel:I hate that.
Greg:In fact, it's gonna, it's gonna stay in the suggestion now that the episode's over.
Hannah:God fucking dammit.
Guy:There it is!
Candace:Now get off my train!
Radio Announcer Greg:Pride of Duskwall is now arriving. Please allow all passengers to exit the train before boarding. This has been Ghosts on a Train, a podcast with the Faustian Nonsense network, where we've played Ghost Lines, an RPG written and designed by John Harper. All of our music by Sebastian Black. Our cover art is by Yoshiko Agresta. Your Line Bulls for this trip were:
Andrel:Andrel Anderson, badge name Dunvill, played by me, Hannah Levin.
Stefen:Adric, AKA Drix, badge name Colburn, played by me, Stefen Lewis.
Guy:Pippin "Pip" McKeel, badge name McKeel, played by me, Guys Zwiebel.
Radio Announcer Greg:And I have been your conductor, Greg Carrobis. For bonus contents as well as behind the scenes, become a patron of the Faustian Nonsense Patreon. Your support will help our podcast as well as the others on the network, and in lieu of monetary support, a review on your favorite podcatcher will help Ghosts on a Train maintain visibility. If you have any questions about the Pride of Duskwall or additions to suggest for the train, please email them to ghosttrainpod@gmail.com, or contact us on Twitter @ghosts_train, and I've have Candace bring them to the Line Bulls. Thank you for riding with us, and please consider traveling with us again next time.
Greg:So basically the two things I need you to record for are the moment when you snatch the egg - the egg. The soul.
Hannah:The soul.
Greg:I don't know, I mean -
Hannah:What are souls but eggs?
Greg:What are souls but weird eggs? So yeah, some gasps, cries of disbelief, maybe even, like, a scream, not of, like, terror but just, like, ah!
Hannah:Recording foley is so embarrassing. Just as a concept. Ah!
Greg:I like the arm motion.
Hannah:Ha?
Greg:Yeah, yeah.
Hannah:There's, like, 30 solid seconds in between every one of these as I try and think of a new sound.
Greg:It's all good. It's all good. Do any more in you, or do you think...?
Hannah:Ah! Yeah, that's probably, probably it.
Greg:Cool. Got some Hadrathi for you. So I'm gonna need, I'm gonna need a ka'ish, said like an expletive. Like, you're really saying, like, fuck! Or, like, that bitch.
Hannah:Ka'ish!
Greg:Kiara'e, she betrays us. So you're, like, you're shouting out, like, they baby betrays us!
Hannah:Kiara'e! No. Maybe. That's too, that's too waifish.
Greg:J'accuse, baby! Like, that's what -
Hannah:Okay, that's not, that's ridiculous. That's too ridiculous to be helpful.
Greg:And then finally, bring it home, bring it home. We gotta scold this child. Ata kiara'a, treacherous child.
Hannah:Ata kiara'a!
Greg:You used to be iana as shit, but now you're kiara'a.
Hannah:Fuck you! This is great b-roll.
Greg:Oh, yeah.
Hannah:Especially with you off in the background.
Greg:Thank you very much.
Hannah:All right. Glad to be of service.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
